Maybe I was naïve, ignorant, or just hopeful, but I didn’t think it would be this hard. I hoped I could just sit under another pastor’s teaching and be ministered to. I hoped I could just let the Spirit wash over me in worship. I hoped I’d make some new friends, reconnect with some old ones, and be refreshed in relationships. But after nearly 8 months since stepping out of the pastorate, I’m finding it extremely difficult to be just “going to church” for the first time in 18 years.